Nine years ago, after completing my secondary education in hypnotherapy and behavior modification, I started spending my time working in two different types of worlds — one-on-one coaching in private, quiet, personalized settings and on-camera coaching in bustling, activity-filled television production locations. The former was a world of therapeutic insight designed to help individuals to identify and move through challenges hampering their personal and professional growth and well-being. The latter was a platform that effectively used the television medium as a form of “edutainment” that often helped not only the individual receiving the coaching, but also the production team working on the project and, eventually, the viewing audience. During this near decade of my life I have enjoyed these two worlds that I have been fortunate to work in and to inhabit.
My life has changed as everyone’s life has changed. During my time since beginning work in my field, I have moved from the fast-paced activity of the Upper West Side of Manhattan to a peaceful, rural environment tucked way up in a Los Angeles Canyon surrounded by state government protected parklands. Without fully realizing it as it was happening, I transitioned from a city dwelling, part-time personal development coach working in the “hurry up and wait” entertainment industry to a full-time, partially secluded, extremely reflective, “therapist type” lifestyle with occasional moments of group activity provided by seminars, workshops, and television appearances. Each of these living and working scenarios has come with great advantages and blessings. Each has birthed moments of contrast from which have sprung new desires for change.
I’ve discovered how much I thrive working with a team and in group settings. During those times, a lot of energy is produced and expended; energy that feels natural and like a welcomed best friend with whom to play. Playing with that much energy and shaping it in a way that is optimal for everyone concerned — self, production team, participants, viewers, etc. — requires a proper amount of rest and some time alone away from the group setting. The rest and recuperation is key to staying healthy, inspired, and motivated. I’ve also learned that there is a high price to pay for too much time spent over-analyzing any situation, my own or someone else’s. For me, too much time alone, away from community, only connecting through phone, email, or in therapeutic settings has to be balanced with group play, fellowship, stepping out of the center of the circle and taking pleasure in watching the rest of “the team” do their thing.
I think I have learned a LOT in the past nine years. I believe I am positioned to play with the energy that I adore so much in a way that is healthier and more giving and more profound than perhaps I was consciously aware of in the past. This feeling, this realization, this perspective is brewing something in my life that I am not yet able to identify in words. It is a feeling, a knowing. I welcome it. I respect it. I honor it. And, I am grateful for every step and every feeling and every experience that has brought me to this moment.
So, the summer months are coming and with them come long days and more time for questions. I am entertaining the thought of starting a weekly (or daily) video log (vlog) to answer, comment upon, or explore some of the questions that I receive in emails, during personal appearances, and from clients. I need your help in this endeavor. Any question that is related to body language, hypnotherapy, dream analysis, graphology, behavior modification, public speaking, body/mind therapy, overcoming fear, moving ahead in life, raising consciousness, my book, relationships, sex, romance, dating, passion, possibilities, inspiration, or anything related to life-affirming, life-enhancing issues, I welcome to this blog or to my personal email, mark@markedgarstephens.com My intention is to start this vlog response, which will be featured on this blog, on my website and on youtube, as soon as it is possible. So, please, if you have been holding onto a question with which you’d like a bit of perspective and exploration, I’d really like to hear from you. As usual, I’ll keep you posted with developments on the vlog. Of course, if you are visiting this blog regularly, you won’t be able to miss it.
Recently, a client was dealing with some issues around reacting too quickly and very emotionally to certain things in his environment. His immediate, passionate reactions were not helping him to communicate in a way that was helpful for him. I introduced to him the difference between “reacting” to a situation and “responding.” The difference may seem subtle, but the result is huge. A reaction has less awareness, consciousness, and thought. It is immediate and is based on internal programming that has been in the subconscious mind for a very long time. Like Pavlov’s dog, it is a behavioral reaction that is always ready to be activated. A response has some “space” around it, or some breath in it as I like to call it. It allows you time to actually step back from a stimulus, check into your triggered emotions, breath in a greater awareness and consciousness, and respond from a place of reasoned logic. Often, it is not overly charged with emotion or a need to lash out. A simple tip for training yourself to respond rather than react is to breath deeply into your gut whenever you feel emotionally activated by an external stimulus — a rude comment, a bad driver, a verbal attack by a co-worker or disgruntled friend. Try it the next time you feel yourself activated. As the emotions are activated, stop for a few seconds to breath deeply before saying or doing anything. It is these few moments of creating some space, some breath, around the emotional stimulus that allows you to respond with more awareness, consciousness, and ease. Responding increases understanding and peaceful communication.
Recently, I have had an influx of clients who are working through some major relationship issues. I value these clients because they teach me so much about what makes a relationship work in terms of balance, focus, and attention. Ultimately, the learning lesson usually comes down to honoring the partner in the relationship, while honoring the self to an equal measure. It sounds so simple even as I write it, but it can be a very tricky thing to master.
One of the questions from my book that I like to ask people is, “Are You Taking Care Of Yourself?” I have learned that if you are not taking care of your own physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health, you certainly cannot be at your best to help your partner, family member, or loved one. It is amazing how much more giving, loving, and attentive we can be when we are balancing our relationships. Taking care of the self is a requirement for balance in any relationship.
I read quotes from a book of wisdom everyday. Today’s passage was a quote by Arnaud Desjardins that simply reads, “THERE IS NOTHING CLEVER ABOUT NOT BEING HAPPY.” This quote made me smile. Sometimes, like many people, I can get very concerned about what is happening in my life and sometimes I forget to be happy. This simple reminder has changed the course of my day.
Sometimes I have clients who come to me and this question more than any other comes up, “What’s it all about?” Challenges in life make them ask why the relationship ended or why the business is failing or where the passion went. I always start this question and answer process with, “I don’t have your answers, but you do.” Then, my questions begin. In this process I am always so blessed to be the recipient of this learning process because as my clients go on their journey of discovery, I go on my own personal journey. I never know where it will lead, I simply follow and try not to get in the way of what life is bringing to me. In this way, I am constantly and consistently coaching myself. If you are at an impasse in your life and asking questions that don’t seem to have answers, a hypnotherapist, behavior modification or life coach may be of assistance. There are also plenty of books available that can used as personal coaching tools. Or, you may simply want to sit quietly for a long while and just be with your feelings and your questions and see what comes up in the silence of your own mind. After all, no one has the answers for you. Your deepest, most profound answers are inside of you.
I truly believe that adversities can be viewed as blessings when seen from new perspectives. During my second trip to appear on THE OPRAH WINFREY SHOW, in the hotel I was staying, the money from my wallet was stolen. I remember having a “freak out” moment. It was only hours before I was to be picked up to go to the studios and there I was having feelings of confusion and anger over what had happened. I knew that I needed to be at my best for the day. It was the big season finale and one deserving couple was to be awarded a MILLION DOLLAR WEDDING GIVEAWAY based partially upon my assessment of the couple. To be at my optimal best, I needed some help in shifting my perspective and finding the blessing. I called my coach on the phone and he walked me through all of the necessary questions to be able to turn my feelings around and see the adverse situation from a perspective that not only brought a smile to my face, but in an interesting way, made me grateful for the event. Long story short, I went on to have one of the best television appearances of my life that day at HARPO STUDIOS. The details of this story can be found in my book, WHO ARE YOU CHOOSING TO BE?
Sometimes when we are in the middle of adverse circumstances it can be challenging to find the blessings, but with a little help and some well-intentioned questions, it is possible. Think about a situation in your own life where the memory of an event causes you pain. Ask yourself, “What is the blessing?” and see if any new perspectives come up for you. If you need some help with this, you can always do the exercise in Chapter 5 of my book or simply ask a close friend to help you see the good that can come from the otherwise “unfortunate” situation. Finding the blessing is always possible. It simply takes a willingness to do so and the patience for the answer to arrive.
At the beginning of each chapter of my book, WHO ARE YOU CHOOSING TO BE?, I ask a powerful question. In my private practice I ask a lot of questions. The power of questions to be able to open the subconscious mind to new ways of thinking and new perspectives is very powerful. In fact, I believe that it is through the questioning process that we as humans have advanced technologically, medically, creatively, financially, emotionally and spiritually. We ask a question that opens up possibilities that we may not have previously explored and then we follow the line of questions until we find a satisfactory answer.
This is what a good coach does. He or she asks questions that help a person to arrive at their own answers. They empower, not by pointing a superior finger, but by asking the compassionate and thought-provoking question.
What is Possible?
Where is Your Attention?
What is The Blessing?
What is Your Passion?
These are all questions that stoke the fires of creative, emotional, and personal growth. Try it. Ask yourself these questions and see what answers come up for you.
Danny Wallace wrote a very funny book titled, JOIN ME! It was all about a movement he started without know what he was starting. He wanted a greater sense of being connected with people for a common cause, though he did not know what that cause would be. In reading Danny’s tale, I laughed a lot and I could completely relate to what he was desiring because I desire it too — that sense of connecting with people for a common cause.
We have that opportunity on May 15th at Community Chiropractic in Olympia, Washington, but in this case, we know the cause. On that day I am teaching the workshop FINDING YOUR PASSION! That’s the cause — Passion! So, I’m asking you to JOIN ME on May 15th from 10 am- 1 pm for this fun and inspiring workshop. To reserve your space, call 360-705-1116.
What is passion? Where does it come from? Do you have any passion in your life? How do you find passion again? Did you ever have passion in the first place? These are the questions, among many others, we will be discussing on May 15th at Community Chiropractic in Olympia, Washington during the 3-hour seminar, FINDING YOUR PASSION!
I love the subject of passion because without it, life just seems to be a bit blase. From 10 am – 1 pm, Dr. Wendy Schauer and I will host 30 participants who feel the same way about passion. Using exercises from my book, “WHO ARE YOU CHOOSING TO BE?” we intend to discover, recover, and revitalize the passion in our lives. This is passion not only in relationships, but also in terms of life purpose, hobbies, friends, and family. We’ll be working and playing together with the intention of putting a smile on a lot of faces, laughter in a lot of bellies, and a spring in a lot of steps. I hope you will join us by reserving your space at 360-705-1116. See you on May 15th!
I’ve just moved my blog over to Google’s WordPress at the suggestion of my friend, Gary Moon. Gary is one of those guys who connects to so many people in a genuine and caring way. He goes above and beyond the call of duty in so many areas and those of us who are fortunate enough to call him friend, benefit from it. I am so very thankful, for Gary and his wife, Dr. Wendy Schauer of Community Chiropractic and Abundant Fitness Center.
The intention for this blog change is to reach a greater audience to share information about inspiration, conscious choice, and deliberate action. I don’t think there has ever been a better time for these subjects not only to be discussed, but to be implemented. So, whether you visit this blog, my website at www.MarkEdgarStephens.com or my book website at www.WhoAreYouChoosingToBe.com, you can be sure that you will find inspirational material that lights a fire in your heart and mind. Thanks for joining me on this ride.
Mark Edgar Stephens' Inspiration Blog 